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    March 27

    梦魇

      一个天使,带着初春的最后一丝寒意离去。

      四瓣的花朵,无论如何盛放,或老到容颜模糊,也将注定一生残缺。

     

      第一夜,无数次被梦魇惊醒,浑身湿透,浅浅的汗味带着一丝血腥,滴落在唇间的液体也是同样的味道。

      深夜的声音并不宁静,有隐约的音乐声,野猫叫春的声音,有人好象一直在咳嗽,还有神仙从窗边走过,穿着皮鞋敲打在冰冷的空气中……

      闭上眼睛,眼前似乎越来越明亮,低矮的屋檐和桌椅,恍然回到前生,不敢细看,只得生生地又睁开眼睛。

      迷迷糊糊地睡去又醒来,如此反复。

     

      第二夜,我死去了两次。

      我又回到了小黑湖,湖里有很多游泳的孩子,我坐在湖边的雪山上微笑着告诉身边的朋友上次来的时候是多么的寒冷,忽然间下雨了,又好象是下雪了,我看着被淋湿的衣服后悔没穿冲锋衣,头上大块的雪和山体就向我冲来,我跳跃着拼命逃跑,好象一瞬间学会了飞翔,向湖里的孩子飞去,既而跌落,醒来……我最后到底是摔死的,被雪压死的,或是根本没有死?

      好象还是小孩子的时候,因为回到了临街的那间老屋。简陋的家里有个功放,喇叭就安置在街上,大家都坐在门口的躺椅上聊天,爸爸和哥哥在屋里,我大声吆喝着让他们帮我换唱片,未果,只得自己起身。爸爸抱怨音乐太吵闹,哥哥说放点欧美的老歌听听,我嘟着嘴找唱片。天边闪过耀眼的白光,然后是可怕的雷声,轰隆隆地,就在我耳边,我捂着耳朵弯腰低下,爸爸笑我怎么还向小时候一样。话还没说完,第二雷又来了,世界一瞬间塌方了,人们四处逃散着。我把爸爸拉进桌下,又去找妈妈,一回头就剩下了我一人,我还在找什么,一块大石头压了下来。醒来,那雷声还在耳边作响,恍惚了良久,一时搞不清到底是发生了还是没发生,死了还是活着。这一次,我确信我是被压死的。可是我们遇到的灾难到底是什么?打雷?地震?山洪?或是,战争?没有人愿意承认自己会被雷劈死,我宁愿接受最后一个解释。

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